He ran his Fingers upon the old hardbound diary. He scrutinized it more deeply than necessary. He has read this book already but didn't remember when and where. He can't identify the color of hardbound because of it was worn-out as years passed by. He paid for the Shopkeeper, kept diary safely in the leather bag which was hanging around his shoulder, and started to walk back to hop on the train.
As soon as he gets comfortable with the berth he has allotted. He started reading it,
"August 19, 1972
Dear Diary,
Today I completed successfully the first month in St.Peters. I'm trying hard to adjust in this hostel, but this is turning like, squeezing oil out of the sand for a girl like me. Everyone here was treating me like Alien "
After he read "St.Peters college". An awe transformed in his face accompanying a small smile. There were many memories flashed one after another after other Infront of his eyes like multiple flashes that graze upon film stars while they walk over the red carpet. He is trying to balance his emotions on his face without showing how they were churning his heart. Because he is too old to act according to heart.
His body jerked forward, as the breaks that train took to halt in a station that eventuated. He introspects around to find does anyone looking at him. when he inferred as no one was watching. He closed his eyes, brought the old diary up to his nose and traced its fragrance. Her hair...it was something which attracts him every time...it was having a familiar smell which was making him closer to her every time...it was long and attractive and yes she keeps it more attractive all the time.
He was brought back to his consciousness When the train started to move again with a jolt. He kept the diary down And alerted his posture. He flipped another page and adjusted his glasses.
"October 5, 1972
Dear Diary,
Today my Diary was snatched away from my hand by a group of people. They passed it from one hand to another. My body stiffened and Tears were threatened to escape out of my eyes. I bent my head down and heard my heart ramming loudly against my skeleton. One boy in the group snatched that diary from his friends and shouted at me to look into his eyes. He gave the diary back. But It frightened me a lot. I don't want to study here. But I can't go back. My own father doesn't likes to see me Infront of his eyes".
He folded the diary. Some feelings should be kept in heart and yes some pains too...and then life is just different..so different which you never thought of. In the depth of his memories, he still remember..where and when he took the first glance at.. Her eyes ..it was crystal...and yes entry to her heart..so pure and honest like her...it can make anyone fall in love...
Actually, it may sound strange but he was attracted to her when she was in pain. So he can't stop himself bringing her more pain. He wanted to stop himself. He wanted to fight her thoughts that were creeping into him..and yes even without seeing or hearing about her making him feel disheartened. There, he was always behind her ...she came to know later, that she was established as his. He thought, slowly, slowly may be she will start thinking about him, and understand him. But her feelings were clear, and she is not interested in him.
"December 12, 1972
A lot of things were happening around me. People who always laugh at me, by trolling me, changed. They start to look at me like I have sinned. Malathi, who is the only good companion of mine in this college and hostel quit talking to me and started avoiding me like a plague. I have turned like an inexistent creature. Economics professor changed his way of looking at me. Everything is changing around me and I'm helpless to stop it."
December 22, 1972
I quit.
And yes people can live without someone but can't without their memories. here he is facing that...he doesn't know when he will be able to forget.. but yes he is fighting to equip his soul in between the past and present. but he is praying that he shouldn't lose in the fight and just quit this world because the reason for her absence is him.
Heavy Rain started falling like it understood his state of mind. He hugged the diary to his chest.. and closed his eyes, as tears are escaping from his eyes..here she comes..her pupil in corner of her eyes, she was peeking at him, accompanying her small smile..he fell in love with her again.
The train stopped at his destination. "grandpa, I can put down your luggage" he turned his head to someone's voice. Life has to move on.
